Relationship Therapist and Coach
The relationship with yourself and your partner: that’s where my passion and expertise lie as a relationship therapist and coach. Since 2016 I’ve been active as a relationship therapist in my own practice as well as at a duo practice, with therapist Henriette Vogelaar. I also trained as a mediator due to my interest in the other relationships we maintain: with colleagues, neighbors, friends and, of course, family members.
Relationships in all forms and varieties are my passion. The unique dynamic between two partners in good, but especially in lesser times. Partner relationships, private and business relationships, relationships within (combined) families and families, friendships. I work from the insights of Emotionally Focused Therapy, Systemic Working, Transactional Analysis, the 'school' of Esther Perel, Nonviolent Communication and NLP. Characteristic of my style is the Provocative Approach: going from connecting and humor to quickly getting down to what really matters and, with a slightly provocative tone, exploring the possible ways forward.
I coach men who are at a bit of a loss. Men who no longer feel, or know how to move forward. Do you feel bad about yourself, and is your private life and/or work not going well?
I coach women who find they’re bumping into walls, who feel frustrated and not heard, not seen and often misunderstood. Do worries keep you awake at night and do you no longer understand yourself or your partner?
I offer relationship therapy to couples who’ve lost their connection and communication. Couples who constantly quarrel or fight in silence, no longer have sex, sulk and flee. Is there a crisis or are you overwhelmed? In addition to offering therapy to couples and individuals, I also help to tackle business relationship problems as a mediator and (team) coach.
As a relationship therapist I am here to help you with your relationship with yourself, your partner, your children, parents and other family members, your ex, your colleagues, your manager. Whatever your relationship problems, I can assist you.
You could describe my approach as being empathically provocative, warmly direct and challengingly stimulating. I don't sit back and nod too much, but try to remain on the edge of the seat with my clients. Humor, focus, no sugarcoating, telling it as it is.
The major exception in couples therapy occurs when there’s emotional fallout from an affair that has just come to an end. In these cases, I prefer to be inspired by Esther Perel’s vision and approach. She originated the term 'consenting curiosity': an open attitude towards the partner, even when he/she conveys a painful message, when it’s frightening, and when criticism occurs...
Relationship coaching -My analysis concerning partner relationships
I’ve coached hundreds of couples and individual clients and it’s always readily apparent how easily people take their most important relationship, the one with their life partner, for granted.
Men, in particular, have a strong tendency to take their relationship or marriage for granted. As unshakable, something that will continue on without paying too much attention to it. They don't feel like talking about emotions and sappy stuff. As long as there isn’t too much tension and nagging, then all’s good as far as they’re concerned. But then everyday life together can get monotonous and boring. You lose yourself in your work, your cycling, your midlife crisis. And sometimes there’s suddenly another woman, someone who’s actually fun to talk to. Who doesn't talk nonsense and doesn’t hassle you, but instead laughs whole-heartedly at your jokes.
Meanwhile, your wife or girlfriend is giving signals. And not so subtly. If you’re lucky, that is. Ultimately, she gets fed up and basically gives up. After a period of mourning, she then focuses on herself. She basically checks out of the relationship, unnoticed. She lets you be, for as long as she’s able to pull it off. Sometimes she meets another man, someone who does see her. She flourishes, but not with you. Without you even noticing, your relationship dies a little more each day. Until she sees an inappropriate app on your phone, or you hack into her private email. And then all hell breaks loose.